Updated: May 30, 2021
I am a positive, bubbly and optimistic character by nature. Although my journey of inner healing, and personal development helped to develop my character, my authentic self is naturally optimistic but this got blocked and knocked from time to time.
In my career, I was passionate, driven and a bit of powerhouse. I would make things happen and just get it done. I had no time for drama, politics and arguments. I was focused and I loved creating new solutions. I encouraged others, and lifted them up when I would see them stuck or worried.
I had built my resilience overtime from storms and challenges since childhood to adulthood. I learnt to not sweat the small stuff. I was always looking at the greater picture and bigger mission and I was solution focused rather than getting bogged down by the problem or daily dramas. If anything got me through the tough things in life, it was my focus on the bigger picture, my unwavering faith and following my gut.
My resilience and strengths were noticed and appreciated by a lot of people. However, not by all. Being intuitive and empathic by nature, I discerned people were intimidated by me and often tried to gun me or tear me down. I couldn't understand why people were so difficult and nasty and it was not easy to get things done. I realised in time that sometimes people have a choice, to either be inspired by you and learn from you or attack you and make things difficult for all. I started to feel purposely blocked and I couldn't give it 100% as there was no team spirit. It seemed people had their own selfish agendas. Sometimes it was not intentional and I was awake to the fact not all people are aware of their words, actions and behaviours but I still had to find a way to manage them and take care of myself. The other side of it was, I didn't see myself the way others saw me. I was not always aware that it was because I was good. I actually thought it was because I was not good enough. So we were all triggering each other really. I didn't feel certain people around me had my back. I felt bit by bit I was internalising any criticism/drama and it was draining my energy and I eventually I lost my drive and just started to survive the storm and do what I was told rather than what was needed. My ideas, concerns and opinions became blocked. I lost the courage to speak up and stand up for a period. I just wanted to escape it all but I remembered who I was and that I was going face it and every day I would say "BRING IT ON" until the test I was going through was over.
I had a support network built up over time, I had contact with coaches and I was a certified coach myself. I allowed my loved ones at the time to build me up and encourage me. I went back to basics with self-care and allowed myself to heal. This helped me a lot to survive the toxic experience I had found myself in. I knew I could not change people, I could not control the outside environment but I could control me. I was resilient and I showed up and I did my best every day. It was either suffer and be soul destroyed or deal with it and survive. I didn't want to pull sick, I didn't want to avoid it, as I knew there is no learning in that. I actually love entering the dark room and facing life's challenges because that is where the learning and growth takes place.
For a while, I feared the past happening again. I took off a little piece of my crown. The happy and bubbly character went into hiding as I thought people would attack me for who I truly am. It took me a while to trust people again and realise that the storm was over. I played small for a while and stayed in my comfort zone. However, I realised playing small and hiding was not my purpose in life, I was created and designed for a reason and the burning desires in my heart including to help others kept nudging at me. I realised that if it's meant to be, it's up to me.
The past has no control over you unless you allow it to control you. I finally did breakthrough. I remembered who I was, my values, what I had achieved, my strengths and my dream. I took my power back in seeing that you can't be the best version of yourself in a toxic environment. I looked at the toxic experience as a blessing in disguise, a learning opportunity and a time of rebirth, renewal and refinement. I pulled myself out of the gutter and rolled up my sleeves and took small steps forward. I learnt to create better boundaries, to be more assertive, rebuilt my confidence and built more resilience and I became wiser and I realised that there are wolves out there and not everyone is going like you or be for you and I refuse to conform to the people pleasing game, live in fear of not being liked or fear of the past happening again. I will not conform and fit in to a mould that I do not belong in to become someone I am not meant to be. The biggest cause of stress and pressure is being forced to fit in a box you don't belong in. The state of the environment you are in is everything. It will either take out the best in you or the worst. To get the best out of your team is to encourage their strengths, allow them to be who they are - then you will see performances skyrocketing and innovation happening.
You can overcome the past. You can overcome your fears and limitations. You can create more patience, calmness, positivity, balance, fulfilment, courage and resilience and move forward towards your vision. Learn to create life in accordance to your values, beliefs and who you are now today. Remember what you are going through right now is there to mould you, shape you for your purpose in the future. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Do you fear the past from happening again?
Do you have difficulty voicing your concerns/ideas at work and you want to stand up, show up and be seen for the value you bring?
Do you feel blocked/stuck in your career or unfulfilled in life?
Are you stressed/overwhelmed with your schedule and looking for calmness?
Is it time to level up and refine who you are and what you want?
I want to hear what is going on in your world. Come join me for a clarity interview and tell me all about your challenges and obstacles and what is your vision/dream. I am working on my beta group coaching program for mid July and I want to hear from you. You can book your clarity interview here.